


Blank

by live_love_draw_anime



Series: Nursery Rhymes [5]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Dark, Depression, Gen, Insanity, Madness, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 12:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5829712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_love_draw_anime/pseuds/live_love_draw_anime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He could feel their eyes on his back as he meandered down the hall. They could hate him. That was okay. He hated them too.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blank

**Author's Note:**

> Yikes, a month since my last update even though I said I would update soon...well, you can blame finals and a lot of huge, stressful projects for that. 
> 
> Besides, Murasakibara is a pain to write, though I hope I've done him justice here! He's a really complex character that never received much coverage, so I was on my own.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Murasakibara hated nursery rhymes.

Because all he could remember was his dear mother, his beloved, kind mother, who hummed them to him on that day as they drove in their rusty old car down a lifeless road.

He could still hear them playing in his mind as he sat stunned in the dust, the car rapidly speeding away.

.

.

.

_"Oh-I believe you may have dropped this."_

.

.

.

He was slow.

That's why she'd left him. She couldn't stand having a defective child; one who would shame her, earn her looks of pity from strangers who whispered and pointed and shook their heads in their apparent disappointment of the world.

_That's just how it works, isn't it?_

_Pity he turned out like that. She'll have to take care of him even as an adult._

He couldn't remember who found him. He dimly recalled stiff arms clothed in black fabric lifting him up and placing him in a vehicle. How he ended up here, at The Institute, was a mystery.

If there was one thing Murasakibara was clear on, it was that the hatred he felt for this place and its inhabitants was painfully real.

.

.

.

_"It's not fair. It's not."_

.

.

.

"Mine-chin gets to leave. Why can't I?" Murasakibara grumbled.

Momoi glanced up from her laundry. "Well, Mu-kun," she said slowly. "Dai-chan is getting better. He can walk and run now, and he's visiting with doctors to help with his mental problems."

Murasakibara lazily rolled his eyes towards the ceiling, his hands stuffed into his oversized pockets. "Then if I get better I can leave too, right Sa-chan?"

He could feel Momoi studying him, struggling to respond. "I...suppose that you may one day...leave..."

"Like Kuro-chin did?"

Momoi started. "Oh! I hope not!"

Murasakibara sighed, his movements languid as he walked from the room. "I hate you, Sa-chan. I wanna crush you."

Momoi didn't respond.

.

.

.

_"That's rude. Aren't I right? Isn't that rude?"_

.

.

.

_After living at The Institute for two months, he'd snapped._

_He was big. Tall. Strong._

_Hateful._

_They were bugs to him. He was a giant, he realized as he kicked a hole through the plaster wall, simultaneously throwing aside the security guards who attempted to subdue him._

_"Wanna get out." He rumbled, continuously pounding away at the wall. The hole grew bigger, chunks of it falling away in clouds of white dust. "Hate you. Hate all of you."_

_There was screaming in the background. Someone was screaming. Someone._

_Who?_

_Ah, it didn't matter. Murasakibara lifted one long arm and grabbed the face of a newly arrived guard. The man had foolishly attempted to cuff him. "Idiot. I'm not the idiot here. You are." He tossed him aside as easily as one might toss an empty bottle._

_"Atsushi."_

_A heterochromatic red-headed boy stood a little ways to his left. His eyes glinted dangerously._

_"...Aka-chin? What do you want?"_

_Akashi frowned in displeasure. "Stop this behavior immediately. Look. You've created quite a mess. Did I not mention that disorder dissatisfies me greatly?"_

_Murasakibara snorted. "No Aka-chin. I remember you said that. But..."_

_He placed his hand against Akashi's chest and shoved. The red-head stumbled backwards, landing on the ground with a thud._

_"...I don't care."_

_Akashi's face went from surprised to murderous in a split second. He slowly rose to his feet, his head bowed. "Atsushi...that was a foolish move." His hand began gravitating towards his pocket._

_Somewhere in his mind, Murasakibara registered that he'd made a grave error. But he couldn't imagine what, and instead watched Akashi without concern as the boy slowly pulled a glinting object from beneath his coat._

_"How fortunate of me..." Akashi began, his voice low and feral. "...that Shintaro conveniently left his lucky item lying around."_

_"Hey-HEY, STOP!!!"_

_Murasakibara glanced to his right. Akashi paused, his eyes also fixed on the fast approaching figure._

_Kagami barreled towards them, Kasamatsu and Takao at his heels. Shock flashed across their faces as they took in the three groaning security guards, the hole in the wall, and the two boys who seemed ready to kill each other._

_Murasakibara sighed, tucking his arms behind his head. It was time to give up for today. He didn't quite feel like exerting himself against Kagami in the soon-to-come tussle, though he was sure he could overpower him._

_Akashi also seemed to remember himself, quickly regaining his composure as he slipped the kitchen knife back into his coat before it could be seen. "Can we help you?"_

_"Can you_ help _us?!" Kagami's voice was filled with anger, surprise, and borderline wonder as he gaped at them. "What have you two_ done?!"

_Murasakibara watched as Akashi shrugged innocently. "Do not involve me. I merely tried to stop Atsushi before he caused any more damages to my property." He began walking away, giving them a slight wave. "Please handle him appropriately."_

_No one made a move after him, though Kagami's annoyed mutter of "_ Your _property?" reached Murasakibara's ears. He yawned, pushing his long hair out of his face. "Gonna go now too."_

_He could feel their eyes on his back as he meandered down the hall. They could hate him. That was okay. He hated them too._

_\---_

_Later that night, he heard snips of a conversation._

_"-never leaving-"_

_"-too dangerous-"_

_"-monster strength-"_

.

.

.

_"Watch out for the monsters beneath your bed."_

.

.

.

"If you sew him, can he come back to life? Like Frankenstein's monster?"

Kasamatsu sighed. "I knew I should have never let you watch that movie, Kise."

"But _can_ he?" Kise stressed, holding up Kurokocchi's paw. "I just need to gather all his parts and ask Momoicchi for a needle and thread!"

Murasakibara watched their exchange across the breakfast hall table. Kise's constant, never-ending chatter made his head hurt.

That was one of the reasons Kise needed to be crushed. Too loud.

The other was Kurokocchi. He never shut up about him. Kurokocchi this, Kurokocchi that, always Kurokocchi, always-

"Ki-chin." Murasakibara rumbled. "Quiet. Or I'll crush you." He raised his oven mitt sized hand.

Kise froze immediately, throwing Murasakibara a concerned glance. "No! Don't crush me! Then there won't be anything left of me to sew back together!"

Murasakibara considered that. "Good."

Kise let out a small squeak and scurried away to sit next to Aomine. Kasamatsu groaned and followed.

Murasakibara's gaze fell on the blue haired boy at the other end of the room. He was laughing, throwing his arm across Kise's shoulders as he sat comfortably on the wooden benches. Murasakibara didn't miss the fact that his wheelchair was nowhere in sight.

_Stop laughing._

It irked him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. Aomine _never_ used to laugh like that. Why did he get to laugh now, and Murasakibara didn't?

Why was _he_ getting better, and Murasakibara wasn't?

That, he concluded, was the reason he hated Aomine.

.

.

.

_"Frankly, you disgust me."_

.

.

.

"Ouch."

Murasakibara glared at Midorima as the latter scurried to pick up his fallen possessions. "Watch where you're going, Mido-chin."

Midorima huffed, straightening his glasses as he collected the broken pieces of his Lego castle. "You bumped into me, Murasakibara. And now my lucky item (this hand-built Lego palace) is in ruins. I'll have to rebuild it, though it took me an hour the first time, in fact."

Murasakibara shifted his gaze from Midorima to the colorful blocks scattered about the floor. "You are crazy, Mido-chin."

The green-haired boy sniffed, insulted. "I am not insane, in fact."

"You are."

"I am not."

"You are."

"I am _not."_

"You are."

Midorima scowled at him. "I am thoroughly tired of this petty argument." Snatching up the remainder of his building blocks, he stalked back to his room, vehemently slamming the door.

Murasakibara decided to forget that exchange and continue his journey to the pantry. His bare feet however, caught on something sharp. "Ouch!"

Murasakibara stooped down, squinting his lavender eyes. A small Lego piece sat wedged between his toes.

This, he realized, was why he hated Midorima.

.

.

.

_"Next time, Atsushi, I will most definitely use this."_

.

.

.

"Hello."

Who was _that?_

"Ah...it seems I'll be rooming with you until they clear out my bedroom. You're Murasakibara-kun, aren't you?"

Murasakibara blinked at the newcomer. He was pale, paler than Kise, with inky hair and a small birthmark beneath his right eye. "Yeah. Who are you?"

"My name is Himuro Tatsuya." A hand was given; Murasakibara unwillingly shook it. "I'm here because I suffer from severe bouts of depression." His lips moved as if he'd rehearsed and spoken those lines many times over.

Murasakibara studied him. His eyes were blank, emotionless. What had he heard Kasamatsu call it...oh right, a poker face. "You've got a poker face."

Himuro smiled slightly. "So I've heard."

"Hmmm," Murasakibara mused, nodding his head. "You're going to room with me?"

"Yes," Himuro replied. "Are you okay with that?"

"Fine," Murasakibara shrugged. It couldn't hurt, he supposed. "One rule. You stay away from my snacks. But I don't have to stay away from yours."

The dark-eyed boy laughed. "Deal."

That, Murasakibara decided, was why he _maybe_ didn't hate Himuro.

.

.

.

_"It's funny, isn't it, how some things just click."_

.

.

.

"What is this junk?" Murasakibara grumbled, rifling through Himuro's 'snacks'. "These are carrots. And celery. And apples. Where's the maiubo? The pocky? The potato chips?"

Himuro glanced over from his temporary bed where he sat folding his clothes. "I like to eat healthy foods. You should try some."

The lavender-eyed male wrinkled his nose in disgust. "No way." Reaching deep into his pockets, he extracted a box of chocolate pocky. "This is much better, Muro-chin."

Himuro looked thoughtful. "Have you ever tried snacks like mine?"

Murasakibara shook his head, a chcolate covered stick dangling from his mouth. "They're not good. You shouldn't eat them, Muro-chin. This is much better," he repeated, holding out the pocky box. "Try one."

The other boy looked surprised. "You want to share?"

_Did_ he want to share? On second thought, Murasakibara reconsidered, maybe he should break it in half.

"Well..." Himuro mused. "I'll eat one of yours if you eat one of mine."

"Huh?!" Murasakibara scowled. "That wasn't a rule."

"Come on," the dark-eyed boy coaxed, tossing him an apple. "Here, eat that. It's sweet."

"Sweet...?" Murasakibara stared at the small fruit, dwarfed by his large hands. "I like sweet things."

"Then you should like apples well enough," Himuro replied patiently. He accepted Murasakibara's halved pocky. "We'll do it at the same time, okay?"

Murasakibara sighed. "Okay." He held the apple to his lips.

"One." Himuro began, mimicking his action. "Two. Three."

Murasakibara crunched into the apple. Himuro took a small bite of the end of the pocky stick. "Hmm...this _is_ quite good, Murasakibara-kun. What do you think?"

Murasakibara stared down begrudgingly at his apple. "...It's good."

"Great," Himuro answered with a smile, and Murasakibara wondered how such a poised, kind person could ever be depressed. He was about to say so, when a knock on the door diverted his attention.

"I'll get it," Himuro said, padding on socked feet to the door. He pulled it open, a gracious smile on his face, only to freeze at the sight of the person waiting.

"Tatsuya?!"

"Taiga?!"

The cries of surprise were simultaneous. Murasakibara stood up, startled. He watched in confusion as the two boys threw their arms around one another in a way that caused the air in the room to become electrified, as if a plug had been connected with an outlet.

Himuro's poker face had vanished; instead, he seemed to be holding back tears. The other man-Kagami-Murasakibara thought malevolently, had a similar expression written across his features. Somehow, the way they were holding each other, the way they seemed to make each other so happy, rubbed him the wrong way.

"Oi."

Himuro and Kagami glanced up to see the purple-haired giant glaring menacingly. "Kagami. Out of my room. Muro-chin, don't go by him. I hate him."

Himuro frowned. "Murasakibara-kun, I don't think you understand."

"I said out," he warned again. "I _hate_ you."

It was Kagami's turn to scowl at him. "Tatsuya, let's go talk somewhere else." He pulled on his arm, dragging him from the room.

"Hey-" Murasakibara began, starting towards them, but Himuro held up a hand.

"Please understand, Murasakibara-kun," he said apologetically. "Kagami is...family. I won't be long."

The door closed, and Murasakibara sank back down onto his bed, stunned. Himuro had already abandoned him for someone else? Just like his mother had?

It didn't take long for the numbness to wear off and the anger to set in.

_Please understand,_ Himuro said? _Family,_ he'd told him? What did Murasakibara know about family? The only family he'd ever known had dumped him on the side of the road.

This, Murasakibara thought with conviction, was why he hated Himuro.

.

.

.

_"Look what you've done, you stupid child. My teapot is in pieces!"_

.

.

.

When the black haired boy reentered the room a while later, he seemed...different. Even Murasakibara could sense that something was wrong. He watched as he shuffled over to his bed, landing on it with a soft sigh and pulling the sheets over his head.

"Muro-chin," Murasakibara said quietly, forgetting he was supposed to be angry with him. "You forgot to put on your pajamas."

"Mmm..." Came the muffled reply. "I don't feel so good right now, Murasakibara-kun..."

Fury began to bubble up inside of him again. "Did Kagami make you feel bad? I can crush him for you, you know."

"No, no," Himuro said quickly. "Kagami didn't say anything. It was just...seeing him made me remember something I'd rather forget. I'm just tired, is all."

"Then change into your pajamas."

"No."

"Fine," Murasakibara snorted. "I hate you anyway. Do what you want." With that he left the room, unsure of where he was even going.

\---

To visit Kagami, it seemed.

The redhead glared at him suspiciously. Murasakibara couldn't blame him. They'd had a rough history. "You wanna know what me and Tatsuya talked about?"

"Yeah." Murasakibara jammed his hands into his pocket. "When Muro-chin came back, he was sad. If you made him sad, I'll crush you."

Kagami rolled his eyes. "Himuro and I are brothers. Not by blood, but by oath. We haven't seen each other in years."

Murasakibara, who had absolutely zero experience with siblings of any sort, nodded as though he understood. "So why isn't Muro-chin happy to see you?"

"Who says he's not?" Kagami replied smartly. Murasakibara resisted the urge to punch him. "Himuro always feels...guilty. I can't tell you why, but he feels responsible for something that happened a while back. That's why he's so depressed; he won't let any of his emotions out, so they're always eating at him."

Murasakibara raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Emotions can't eat people. If they could, mine would have eaten you a long time ago."

He dodged Kagami's indignant swipe and started back towards his room. He and Himuro needed to talk.

\---

"You want to make me _not_ depressed?" Himuro raised an amused brow.

Murasakibara shrugged. "I don't know why, but I wanna help you Muro-chin. I thought I hated you. I still do. A little. But I don't know why you feel different from everyone else. You...don't make me wanna crush you."

"I'd say that's a start," Himuro replied, a brow still quirked. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

Wordlessly, Murasakibara passed him a stick of pocky.

.

.

.

_"You know, I've never had a friend before. Not one."_

.

.

.

"You look well," Momoi commented the next afternoon.

Murasakibara cast her a look. "Hmm?"

"You seem happy," she elaborated, shuffling through some papers in her arms. "Did something happen?"

"Ahh..." Murasakibara thought for a moment. "...I made a friend."

"Did you?" Momoi asked, her eyes sparkling. "That's great! By the way, we've been thinking. We were wondering if you'd like Himuro-kun to room with you permanently."

Now Murasakibara granted her his full attention. _"Permanently?"_

Momoi nodded. "Do you want that? If you feel crowded, there are other rooms."

"Ahh..." Slowly, he shook his head. "Nah...nah, it's okay. Muro-chin helps keep the room neat."

"Wonderful," Momoi smiled, clasping her hands together. "I thought you'd say that."

\---

"It's the same as yesterday," Himuro said patiently. "Which block do you need last?"

Murasakibara squinted down at the spelling blocks. Most of his name was already carefully arranged in a straight line. "This one." He fumbled with the small wooden cube, clumsily pushing it into place.

"Right!" Himuro beamed. "See, you can spell your own name. I told you you were smart."

Murasakibara failed to hide his childish grin. "Everyone always called me dumb."

Himuro suddenly grabbed his shoulder, his grip fierce. When Murasakibara looked at him, his eyes seemed to blaze with some emotion he couldn't quite identify. "Well, you're not. And you better not let anyone ever call you that. If they do..." He gave him a small smirk. "...you have my permission to crush them."

"Alright," Murasakibara said lazily, flicking Himuro's nose. "Whatever you say, Muro-chin. I'll listen to you."

He'd always listen to Himuro.

\---

"Muro-chin, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

They sat on the lattice garden bench, staring at the stone fountain that spurted jets of clear water in a tiny spout. It splashed down into the lily pond below, sending ripples out in all directions.

Himuro glanced at him, his stoic face betraying mild surprise. "What do I want to...ah..."

Murasakibara shrugged, hanging his head over the back of the bench. "Like a job. My mom used to tell me that I might get a job mopping floors. Do you think that's an important job?"

Himuro recovered quickly, his lips parting in a sincere smile. "Of course it is. Who would want to walk on dirty floors?"

"That's what I thought," Murasakibara agreed, satisfied. "I think I know what you might want to be."

"Oh?" Himuro tilted his head.

"A doctor," Murasakibara said. "Because you know how to fix people."

Himuro was quiet for so long, Murasakibara began to think that he hadn't heard him. When he finally spoke, the words came in a whisper.

"I know how to fix people, huh..."

Crystalline drops glistened in the corners of the boy's grayish eyes. His smile wavered as he fought to keep them from falling. "What exactly do you mean by that...Murasakibara-kun..."

Murasakibara shifted uneasily. "Why are you crying, Muro-chin? If it's because of Kagami, I can..."

Himuro shook his head. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

He was fine.

.

.

.

_"Why was I cursed with you?"_

.

.

.

"...Muro-chin? Don't you wanna get up?"

"No."

"It's one in the afternoon."

"Yeah, I know."

"...you missed lunch."

"Is that so?"

"I ate yours for you."

"Mmm."

"Muro-chin? Please get up. Sa-chan said it's not healthy to sleep too long."

"I said I don't want to."

"I'll eat your dinner too."

"I don't care."

"...what is that thing you're holding for?"

"...it's just a rope. It's therapeutic for me to tie knots with it."

"Are you sure Muro-chin?"

"Yes Murasakibara-kun. I'm sure."

.

.

.

_"One slip and it'll all slide through your fingers."_

.

.

.

Himuro sank deeper and deeper over the next few months, and Murasakibara cursed himself for not noticing. He was too slow to catch it; but what more could a stupid boy like himself have done?

Himuro left his room less and less, often skipping meals. He even whispered for Murasakibara to tell Kagami that he wasn't in the room when the redhead came knocking.

Everyone discussed him in hushed, worried tones. Kagami always looked tired every time he came back from a session with his brother. Himuro was simply struggling; there was no other way to put it. All Murasakibara knew was that it had to do with something that had happened a long time ago with a person named Alex.

He wasn't exactly sure _how_ to go about making Himuro feel better. He shared his snacks and assured him that he would never crush him, told him he would crush anyone who bothered him, that he just had to give him names.

Himuro would laugh and seem to get better for a short time, but he always sank back into himself, receding somewhere even Kagami's words or Murasakibara's pocky couldn't reach him.

And one day, Himuro left. Left in the same way Kuroko did.

Murasakibara knew Himuro was gone long before he entered his room. He had felt the cold chill run down his spine all the way from the kitchen. Something was wrong.

He walked solemnly back towards his bedroom, his hands trembling only the slightest. Later, he denied they were shaking at all.

Himuro's pale face greeted him from the corner. No, not pale. White as a sheet, tinged with blue. Drained. Oxygen depleted.

Lifeless.

Murasakibara turned away.

.

.

.

_"This is your fault. Every bad thing that's happened to me is because of you!"_

.

.

.

The people in white coats came and took the body away, pulling a white sheet over Himuro's head. Murasakibara watched from the doorway, his lavender eyes drooping in their usual manner. Something- _something_ was churning beneath his apathetic exterior, but his face remained expressionless, unchanged.

The few glimpses he caught of Kagami's face as Himuro was taken away told him the man was grief-stricken. He barely spared Murasakibara a glance as he walked with the white-coated men, his hands clenched unconsciously.

Momoi appeared beside him, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Mu-kun?"

He didn't try to shake her off. "Hmm?"

"How are you feeling?"

He tilted his head to look at her. Softly hued eyes were filled with concern. He felt nothing. He felt nothing.

"The same as always."

That was a lie.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Rushed much? :D
> 
> Himuro's death...I tried to be as vague as possible about it because to be honest I didn't feel comfortable writing it. I have trouble talking about that stuff.
> 
> About Alex...I'm not quite sure what happened to her myself, but she is no longer alive, though I'll leave the "how" part up to you guys :)
> 
> Next one-shot will be Akashi! Been looking forward to writing his part for a long time XD
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!


End file.
